In my continuing conversations with the remarkable Robert Foster, I’m starting to think that Miss Sally is basically my spirit guide, haha. We spoke a bit about his experiences with the snide and hurtful comments made by people who considered themselves “insiders” on Judy Lewis’ parentage and the events surrounding her conception.
People my age and *gulp* younger take for granted that, for most of our lives, the Uncommon Knowledge has been quite common. We’re not family, of course, but these days, it’s just the truth. Clark Gable was Judy Lewis’ father, and we can say that just as simply as we say that, oh, Vincente Minnelli is Liza’s father. Go back a few decades, though, and that wasn’t the case. People still acted like they were some big shot, if they knew, and would puff up their chests as they railed on Loretta’s image. People being people, with a tendency to be utter douche nozzles whenever they think they have the upper hand or some higher moral standing, they didn’t take issue with being nasty and rude to Loretta’s family, either.
What to do? Robert asked his mother what he should say, in these situations. Miss Sally, not one to cower from anything, said…
If they really go on about it, just say, “Oh, well Aunt Loretta really likes women.”
HOLY DAMNIT CHRISTMAS, WHAT WAS THAT, ELIZABETH JANE? To take it at face value, it seems cruel to Loretta, but it’s so far from it, we’ve done gone out of left field and hit the parking lot two towns over. I see the hamsters running a mile a minute while everyone gasps, “But what did she mean, though?!”
I’m so glad you asked! This is part of the essence of Miss Sally. She could cut people with her words, even if she said something so off the wall that all it did was shut them the hell up. OH GOD, I FEEL THAT. People, in our lives, will say some absurdities. This, sadly, isn’t always a nice world. You will encounter bullies from the day you begin your social endeavors until the day you end them. For the most part, you will be able to handle them tactfully and with grace. Some of them, though, will just not take a hint. That is when you turn it all around on them, make them swallow their tongues, and walk away. Because again, who the hell are THEY?! If you know the truth and you know that a person is just being flat out dumb or rude, turn it around, show them exactly how stupid they look to the world by paraphrasing them or just pulling some full on loco nightmare ridiculous story AT them. We’ll call it Mirror Therapy. And, if all else fails, hit them with the mirror.*
*Don’t hit them with the mirror. That’s bad and also assault with a shiny weapon. Sally would not approve. Neither would I.