Time to turn the serious business meter up to 11.
So, The Great Lie. Look, I am not exaggerating one bit* when I say that this is the greatest piece of fine, soapy melodrama this side of a Lux commercial about run stockings. Why is that the case?
You with me? Alright, Warner Brothers has this crappola cheese fest movie for Bette Davis to do, with this 5 second long cameo of this huge bitch named Sandra. Mary Astor reads for the part because why not, she’s Mary freakin’ Astor and can do whatever she pleases. Bette calls Mary all like, “DUDE YOU’RE IN. But this script is actual shit!” The brightest minds of all time come together to fix it and make it seem like a real story about real women. Who are those minds?
No, really! They end up with this legitimate masterpiece of Bette Davis playing a long suffering good girl and Mary Astor so close to just punching EVERYONE in the face that it feels like you’re watching yourself get trapped inside a Victoria’s Secret during the biggest sale of the year, desperate for some means of escape. So Mary ends up winning an Oscar for her performance, and when people are all, “Oh, Mary stole that film from Bette!” she’s all “DUDE SHE GAVE IT TO ME, DO NOT EVEN.” Because what ladies are the most stunning display of two women supporting each other’s talents?
Film highlights: MARY FLIPS A TABLE LIKE ALL OF US HAVE WANTED TO DO WHEN WE JUST COULD NOT EXPRESS OUR NEED FOR FOOD WELL ENOUGH. MARY ASTOR INVENTED HANGRY. THAT’S RIGHT. SIT DOWN, AMERICA.
No, really, the entirety of their stay in Arizona is so need-to-see that if you haven’t seen it, YOU NEED TO REEVALUATE.
LOOK, IN THIS OUR LIFE, WATCH ON THE RHINE, ETC. AND…
*I may be exaggerating.